Crash Test
by Cohen101
Summary: Chandler with his daughter. One-shot. “Our daughter is living proof that driving genes are hereditary.” !Slightly revised for clarity's sake!


Chandler gripped the edge of the seat, throwing his arms forwards as his only daughter braked hard to avoid hitting the car in

**Crash Test**

Chandler gripped the edge of the seat, throwing his arms forward as his only daughter braked hard to avoid hitting the car in front of her. His hand hit the glove compartment soundly, Erica's concerned face informing him he wasn't the only one who'd heard the crack his wrist had made.

"Daddy…" Erica said nervously, and the car jerked forwards, accelerating at a disturbing rate through the busy intersection.

"Erica, brake!" Chandler instructed, catching a glimpse of his pale white face in the side mirror.

This was going to be the death of him. He knew it.

"The left ones the brake Erica," he whispered dryly as the car went even faster. His palms were sweaty and even though he'd promised that he would be calm, his nerves were completely shot as they zoomed past other cars going almost 60 miles and hour down a residential street.

Erica's face showed confusion; Chandler found it somewhat alarming that he could even see her face. "The road Erica!" he yelled, and Erica seemed to finally realize that she was, in fact, still driving.

"Oh," she exclaimed innocently, instantly slowing down. They narrowly missed a pedestrian and Chandler hid his face in his hands as the teenage boy fingered them.

"Erica," he croaked, seeing their destination, an empty parking lot, in front of them. "Pull over," he muttered weakly and Erica jerked the wheel to the side. "Brake!" Chandler yelled as they hit the curb and bounced up, Chandler being thrown up only to have the seatbelt jerk him back down. The car's brakes squealed and his face went flying forwards, the life-saving seat belt pulling him back as his nose came within a centimeter of the dashboard.

This was worse then driving with Ross.

This was worse then driving with Rachel.

This was worse even, then driving with Phoebe…

- at least Phoebe had the sense to make a quick cheat sheet.

"Turn on your hazards," Chandler instructed, leaning back into his seat and urging himself to stop shaking. He opened his eyes and the windshield wipers were on, random bursts of cleaning fluid drenching the window.

He huffed impatiently and reached over Erica, clicking on their hazard lights and turning off the windshield wipers. "Erica," he whispered and Erica bit her lip. She knew she was in trouble when her daddy used that tone, "Are you trying to kill me?" he asked seriously and Erica shook her head.

"No…"

Chandler opened his door and Erica shouted in protest, "What are you doing?" she asked and Chandler stuck his head into the car.

"Move over. I'm driving us home," he stated shortly, and Erica opened her mouth.

"But daddy, I'm doing fine!" she insisted and Chandler slid back into the car. He looked at her and she looked down, thinking over what she just said. "I'll do better," she promised and Chandler shook his head.

"Erica, in the ten minutes it's taken us to get here you've already almost hit four cars and two pedestrians. You ran a stop sign and you were going at least 50 miles over the speed limit! I want to live to see your graduation, thank you very much," Chandler mentally booting himself a second later for saying what he'd said the way he'd said it. It wasn't his intention at all to be mean to her, but it wasn't like he enjoyed death-defying experiences. He liked to sip tea by the fire. That was him. He was alright without living life on the edge.

"Why don't you ever have faith in me?" Erica demanded angrily.

Chandler looked at her, not understanding where she was coming from. "Honey, I'm behind you with everything that you do, you know that," Chandler reassured but Erica remained stubbornly attached to her mood.

"Then why aren't you letting me do this?" she snapped, her arms folded.

"Do you want to get your license when you turn 17?" Chandler threatened and Erica backed down, nodding. "Then cut it out. Do I have to remind you whose car you're driving?"

"No…" Erica mumbled and Chandler rested his head on the seat, his door still open. He opened an eye and observed his pouting daughter.

She was 16, and more like her mother than Chandler thought possible. She was always the stubborn one, the one that would stay up till five in the morning playing monopoly with Monica, each determined to win, while him and Jack were collapsed on the floor around the board, hugging pillows fast asleep. She got good grades and wanted to be an actress when she grew up; Chandler hoping she'd have better luck with the career then Joey ever did. But it was what she wanted, so he was behind her.

Right now her face was set in a scold, her dirty blonde hair framing her face delicately. "I can do it," she muttered and Chandler laughed, hastily changing it into a chirping cough when she glared at him. "If Jack can do it, I can do it," she insisted.

"Who said Jack could do it?" Chandler asked, understanding where her frustration was coming from. It drove Erica crazy if Jack could do anything better then her, and had been since they'd been small. Luckily, Jack was one of the mellowest children Chandler had ever met, which worked out exceptionally well for the family.

"Mom did!" Erica exclaimed and Chandler was surprised about how fervent she was about it. "They went out for a drive and when they came back, Mom was gushing about how awesome Jack was at driving and how he was such a natural considering it was his first time!"

"Your mom said that?" Chandler asked, surprised that Monica could be so stupid. They'd learned during the fours and fives that it was better to praise each child in private and equally as to avoid such instances as these. Unless, of course, if it was something like Jack's soccer game or Erica's ballet recital.

"Yes!" Erica shouted, getting worked up over the incident.

"And now you're worried that when we get home I'll be telling them how you wanted to catapult us to the sky and see for yourself if cars could fly?" Chandler asked, making sure he understood.

Erica's face fell and Chandler instantly knew that he'd said something wrong. "No…" she muttered but Chandler could see the signs of tears. The glazed eyes, the shaking hands, the reddening face. Chandler glanced at the car and quickly pulled up the emergency brake in case Erica forgot she was in the driver seat and pressed on the gas.

His small safety precaution seemed to go unnoticed due to the fact Erica was almost now in a full blown hormonal rampage of tears. Resisting the urge to ask if it was 'that time of month', he reached over and took her hand gently, "Erica, I understand you don't want to be shown up by your brother. I was the same way when I was your age," he explained calmly, hoping the tears would stop. Even after years of knowing Rachel it was still difficult to deal with watery women.

"Daddy, you were an only child!" Erica countered, angrily wiping away a tear that slid down her cheek with her unoccupied hand. "Besides, Mom shows you up all the time and you don't ever bat an eyelash!"

Chandler chose to ignore the fact that she'd called him on his lie, injured his masculine predisposition and suggested that he was gay in two sentences and instead chose to take their firm clasp as a good sign. He shook his head, "But honey," he attempted to comfort once again, "You're not going to be the best at everything you do."

Erica began to shake from her meltdown and Chandler stared at her with wide eyes for a moment. What had he said? What was going on? Why, oh _why_ was his baby girl crying? And had he been the reason for this latest tearfest?

"Da-ddy!" she sobbed and Chandler instantly threw his hands around her and drew her in close to him.

What the hell was happening and what had set it off?

A car honked obnoxiously as it sped past them and Chandler snapped out of his trance, rubbing her back soothingly. "Honey," he muttered gently, "What's really wrong?" There was no way this stupid car thing had caused this much distress.

"Nothing," Erica muttered shyly into his shoulder. They were leaning in towards each other awkwardly over the seat, Chandler was stretched out of his own and almost all the way on to Erica's, his back protesting with the occasional crack of his spinal cord. Their faces were buried into each others shoulders, and it didn't occur to Chandler until after the police officer knocked one the window that they may have, to the casual observer, seemed a tab bit suspicious.

Chandler backed away from Erica, his face burning up even though they hadn't been doing anything wrong. The hazards were on and they were on the side of the road where stalling was permitted. Erica wiped the remaining tears off her face and then rolled down the window. From his place in the passenger seat, Chandler couldn't see her face.

"Problem officer?" he asked buoyantly. Both Erica and the man in blue turned their attention to him. The officer had the words 'Brown' inscribed into his shirt.

Brown peered from Chandler's face to Erica's, suspicion clearly written all over his face. "Is there a problem here, Miss?" he asked scruffily.

"No!" Chandler shouted, jumping in at the very end of his sentence, "No problem!" He made a noise that sounded halfway between a giggle and a shriek, burying his head in his hands afterwards. If the officer didn't think he was dangerous, he most certainly thought he was a lunatic.

"Everything's fine," Erica reassured the officer, rolling her eyes. "It's just my Dad. He gets a little… awkward sometimes. We just pulled over because I needed to call me Mom," she lied, flashing the officer a one of a kind smile. "I hope we didn't do anything wrong," she cooed sweetly.

Chandler lifted his head from his hands slowly. Was his daughter flirting with a police officer? He turned his head slightly so he could keep one open eye on her.

"How could a lovely lady like yourself be caught doing anything wrong?" Brown questioned slyly and Chandler turned around fully to face him, his eyes dangerously protective. No one got personal with his daughter! Especially not some forty year old geezer with a residing hair line.

He was about to say as much when Erica giggled; apparently the conversation had been going on whilst he plotted, "I'm so sorry for the trouble, sir," she apologized and the officer gave them both a curt nod and practically hopped back to his PD issue car.

Chandler observed Erica as she composed herself on the seat. She was getting older--

"Jesus CHRIST! Erica! What the hell was that?" Chandler yelled, open palm flat on the roof to keep himself from torpedoing towards it, the other maintaining a firm grip on the passenger side door handle. The sudden jerk left- across that accursed double solid line, and into oncoming traffic nonetheless- and the sound of the tires protesting as they went skidding on the pavement, scared him.

Erica frowned, shaking slightly, "I didn't want to hit the gopher," she whispered quietly.

Chandler stared at her in disbelief, "You know Uncle Joe _shoots_ the gophers on his acreage, right?" Erica nodded mutely. "So you would rather the tiny mammal squirrel thing that's going to die anyways live, over the lives of yourself and your father?"

Erica opened the door to the car and silently got out while Chandler slid across the seats.

"Will you still-"

Chandler sighed, "Don't worry. I'll be gushing about how you were great the entire time to Jack and your Mother."

"

"How was she?" Monica whispered into Chandler's ear as she reached over to give her husband a welcome-home peck on the cheek. Chandler didn't answer her, only smiled that dopey little smile of his- the one he used when they were at her parent's house, and Ross had gone off on some tangent, or her Father was telling the story of his Porsche for the millionth time.

Erica somehow seemed to think that she was being addressed, "I was great Mom. Where's Jackie?" she asked, walking away without waiting for an answer and yelling, "JACKIE!"

Monica cringed, "Erica, please don't yell inside the house," she pleaded and Erica nodded,

"Mhmm," she hummed before racing up the stairs.

"For some strange reason," Monica mused out loud, "I've been getting this feeling that whatever I say to her goes in one ear and out the other-"

Chandler suddenly put his arms around Monica, pulling her into his body and holding onto her tightly. "I love you," he said in a slightly strangled voice and Monica couldn't help but laugh,

"What on Earth happened?"

Feeling Chandler open an eye against her neck, he removed his head from where it had been nuzzling her, making absolute certain that his oldest daughter was well out of hearing-range. "I don't think she understands that a car is a thousand pound machine that isn't invincible and doesn't have the ability to phase through solid objects. She's a reckless hazard that's going to get me killed some day, I swear to God Almighty!"

Monica laughed, "It couldn't have been that bad," she reasoned and Chandler shook his head zealously,

"You don't understand what a break-through this is, Mon."

Now Monica was confused. Not that Chandler didn't have a habit of confusing her, but she was curious, "What break-through."

"We could make millions off of it," Chandler said enthusiastically, now fully getting into his imagination. Monica waited for it, laughing when he said,

"Our daughter is living proof that driving genes are hereditary."

Monica eyed him strangely. "Chandler honey," she said hesitantly, "You know Erica's adopted, right?"

"What- and you think that Erica's hand at the wheel is any better than her navigational skills in a wheelchair? Come'on baby," he whispered, pulling her in close and kissing her nose, "Give me some more credit than that. You _know_ I'm not stupid enough to insult you're driving."

**Cohen101**

A/N: Review please, and I hope you enjoyed. One of those random stories you find after a million years, finish in ten minutes and decide to post. More to come soon (hopefully).

P.S. Gotta love double negatives :) They make my life.

A/N: As of… June 9-o8 has been revised with the last two paragraphs. Hopefully that clears up some issues ;) Tomorrow I will officially be done all my school-based high school courses. Ah, liberation, 'tis sweet.


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